Toshi myoshi

Posted by kara

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how a couple of my friends are going to be mothers soon. It has made me think about how I felt when Toshi was first born. I thought that I would instantly feel like a mother– like I had an overwhelming, indescribable magnitude of love for my newborn. I imagined that once the baby was born, I’d know what it was like to be a parent. Instead, I found out that I still felt like myself– a half adult/half kid who had no idea what to do with a baby. I loved Toshi from the beginning, but I was so unsure of parenthood.

For me, I have had to grow into a mother. I feel guilty to admit that it took me a while to get used to the idea that I was Toshi’s mom.

And now when I think about how much surer I am of everything, it’s amazing to know how far I’ve come. With every month, I feel more and more like the mom I thought I would be. I’m very lucky to be Toshi’s mom (and even luckier that I get to stay at home with her). All those things that parents say are true. And yet, it still seems indescribable.

One of my favorite things is that when I look at Toshi, I feel “family.”

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Published:
10.01.08 / 10am
Category:
9-12 months, SAHM