Looking Back on Daycare

Posted by kara

I finally cleaned out my file of daycare forms. Everyday, I filled out a communication form that said when the baby woke up, last feeding, mood, special info, who is picking up at what time, etc. Then at the end of the day, the form would be filled out with the feeding times, nap times, and dirty diaper changes. There was also space for their comments.

I loved my new mother comments: “Didn’t poop all weekend. Hoping for a big poop!” “Arching her back when she is held.” “Cries when she is on her tummy because she is congested. I worry she won’t be able to breathe.” I could hear my mother-voice subliminally pleading with them to be careful with my baby and pay attention to her.

Their comments were few and far between. I remember that being disappointing. Sometimes I’d get a little story of how she liked when they sang to her. Those were like nuggets of gold.

I also wrote on there that I was dropping her off at 8:10am, checking in on her around 10:30am, and picking her up at 4:30pm. How did I do that plus pump twice during the workday? I’m pretty sure that is why I felt like I wasn’t being a good employee. (I did love that my workplace counted lunch as part of the 8 hours.)

Looking at the nap times recorded, I felt like they were lying. I remember always being skeptical of them, but just thinking she must sleep better at daycare. Now when I look back, I’m pretty sure they were just recording the time she was in her crib. I don’t think she was always sleeping that much. I picture her crying in her crib until she fell asleep. As you can see, I just didn’t trust them. And I felt I couldn’t call them out on it because I was worried they would treat Toshi differently if they didn’t like me.

Going through the forms made me feel like it was all so obvious: A stressed out mom leaving her baby at a daycare where they watch babies for a job. I was okay with it for a couple of months. But after a while, it just felt like the workers weren’t all that caring. There were two good daycare workers, but the others didn’t really care. They were just doing what needed to be done. And it’s not that I blame them. Four infants is a lot for anyone to watch. Their attention was divided and they had to juggle feedings, naps, and diaper changes for four babies.

I think about those early mornings, rushing around, hoping Toshi woke up at the right time so I could feed her before we left, packing a huge bag, and trying to keep my clothes spit up free. Whew! I guess it would get better once she was done breastfeeding. And even better once she was older. But I’m glad she wasn’t in there for long. And I’m glad Martha didn’t have to do it. I’m not saying that all daycare is bad. I’m not saying that staying at home is better. I’m saying it’s good to look back on a stressful decision and feel I did the right thing for me and my family. Thanks, Paul, for making it possible and being supportive back then and still today.

For fun, pics of Toshi at 9 months (she stopped daycare at 6 months), and a pic of Toshi at almost 2 and Lyla at almost 1.