Here we go

Posted by kara

Last night I had an anxiety dream about daycare. I arrived to work at 9:00am and realized that I hadn’t even dropped off Toshi yet. Not only that, but I had forgotten Toshi and left her outside of her daycare. So I told my work that I’d be back as soon as possible. I went to her daycare and found out that they had taken her in. I went up to see her. Apparently, the daycare was high up in the building. I had to ride a little wobbly wire basket up a few floors. Then I had to climb a vertical net. I kept wondering how I’d do it while holding Toshi. Mandy was hanging out on the net and made a joke to cheer me up. As I was walking into the reception hall of the daycare, I saw that it had aquariums all along every wall. They told me that they even had a whale. I tried to hide how horrified I was and inwardly yelled at myself for not looking into the daycare enough. I was afraid that the aquarium glass would break and the water would fill up the halls. That’s all I remember.

Luckily, when I went to the daycare today, there were no whales. I got her to daycare over half an hour later than I wanted. I had let us sleep in a little because we were tired from the Vegas trip. Anyway, the drop off seemed relatively smooth. I didn’t have too much trouble handing her off. I walked back to the car to drop off her stroller and car seat so I could shop. Then I remembered that I forgot to drop off her enrollment papers. Paranoid that they would need to call me but not have the number, I returned to the daycare with the papers. As I handed them off, I heard Toshi’s loud cry and saw her in her crib. It broke my heart and I left to go cry in the car. After talking to Ariana, Amy, and my mom, I felt a little better. I eventually went back to the daycare to make sure she took a bottle and wasn’t starving. She was quietly lying in her crib and they said that she took the bottle just fine and had just woken up from her nap. I felt a lot better about the whole daycare thing. I told them I’d be back in an hour to pick her up for the day. So I went off and killed some time at the mall. When I got back to the daycare, the assistant director said that Toshi was doing really well and that she’s already the favorite. (I bet they tell that to all the parents.) However, when I went to her room, she was crying again. At least this time one of the ladies was holding her. I took her and held her. A couple of other babies were also crying. It felt a little chaotic. I calmed Toshi down and packed her into the stroller. Her eyes were so red and puffy. A couple of minutes later, she was smiling at me and even close to laughing.

I hope tomorrow goes better. It just is so sad to think of her not being completely fussed over. It’s not like I am constantly fussing over her at home, but I feel like it is different because she knows that I love her. Or something. I am starting to feel a bit guilty when she looks at me so lovingly. I knew it would be hard to go back to work, but I never knew it would be this hard. Just one more thing to add to the list of what I’ve learned!

On a much happier note, here are a couple more Vegas pics that my mom emailed me. The first one is of Toshi and Auntie Haru, the second is Toshi and Grandma Toshi, and the last is of me and Toshi.