Back to the grind

Posted by kara

Today was my first day back to work. I did lots of prep the night before, so the morning wasn’t rushed. We managed to get to daycare around 8:15 am. Dropping off Toshiko wasn’t bad. She was quietly studying the rings hanging from the playmat. I rushed off to work and got there around 8:30 am. I talked a little to my friend Laura and got settled in. Then we had our staff meeting and it was a little weird thinking about work projects. Some of it sounded exciting, and some of it sounded like the same ol’ stuff.

Admittedly, I only did half an hour of billable work. I think I spent a lot of time figuring out how to take care of all the baby stuff. It takes me about half an hour to pump, wash all the parts, and throw the stuff in the fridge. It’s going to cut into my email time…

While I was out to lunch with my two work buddies (catching up on all of the gossip), I heard my cell phone ring. It was Toshi’s daycare… uh oh. They said that she had refused the bottle twice and only had about an ounce all day. I figured that I had spoiled her by not giving her a bottle on Monday and that she needed to be reminded how to take a bottle. I knew they wouldn’t force her to drink it and I knew that my bottle trick would work. So I left my uneaten food and went to take care of little Toshi.

When I got to the daycare, she was quietly swinging. I picked her up and instantly she let out one of her famous long noisy poops. She must have had an upset stomach or something, because she took her bottle from me without any problems. It was nice to feed her though. Later I returned to daycare with more milk because she had gone through all of her bottles when she wouldn’t take them. So that little fiasco took up a lot of my work day… whoops!

All in all, it was good to be back at work. I still feel guilty as heck, but I also feel like I have things to accomplish. I’ll see if this continues to feel right. Although I’m not sure anything will ever feel completely right. I remember reading somewhere that you can’t be Superwoman and be the best mom, best wife, and best worker. And that is why I’ll always feel like I’m coming up short. [Hey, that seems like an Ariana joke!] Anyway, thanks to everyone for your thoughts and for the loads of support. I’d go nuts without you.

p.s. Toshi just woke up from her nap in this picture.