Gifts

Posted by kara

My Grandma Toshi died on June 1st. Even as I write that, it doesn’t seem true. I keep thinking that she is alive. I keep catching myself thinking things like, “Oh, I’ll email a blog post to her.” “I should send her flowers.” “When I go home, I could cook a pasta dish. Oh, but it might be too salty for grandma.” It just doesn’t seem possible. I was partly convinced she was invincible. She was always the quickest to heal, amazing her doctors left and right.

So when she started to not heal, I felt alarmed and sad that she had to live with pain in her arm. My gut was telling me that I needed to visit her right away. I didn’t want to wait until Christmas or even the summer to see her next.

Gift: My husband was totally cool with me taking the girls for an immediate visit. He could have easily said it was too expensive, or even foolish since my parents were coming to visit in a month. He could have felt left out and bothered that I got to go spend time with family while he worked. Instead, he supported it without hesitating. My friend Jamie full-heartedly encouraged me to go. My mind was made up. I would fly with the two girls myself to see my new niece Penelope and visit my grandma.

It was a hard trip, but my grandma thanked me for coming. She said it was sweet of me to bring the girls to her. I got to see Toshiko play with Great Grandma Toshi. And before I left, we took a few rushed pictures. My grandma said, “Just in case.” But really truly honestly, I did not think it would be the last time.

Gift: I got to say good-bye and tell her I loved her in person.

I feel confident that she knew how much I loved her. That gives me so much peace. I’m so glad that I made the trip. I would have been really upset if I hadn’t.

Bonus Gift: While we were visiting, my mom and I took the girls to the zoo. My grandma insisted on sending money with us to let the girls pick out a souvenir. They both separately picked out toy elephant figures. Martha picked out a little Asian elephant, and Toshi picked out a big African elephant. They both play with them a lot. Martha is especially attached to hers. I love that they have this extra gift from Great Grandma.

My grandma’s passing has been a struggle. We are all worried about each other, and still dealing with our own sadness. I guess we are probably right where we should be.

As we start planning for the funeral, it is pretty satisfying to feel the family come together. I know Grandma would have liked to see us all together. Although she would probably roll her eyes at us for making such a big deal out of little old her. That’s our grandma.